Let's Get Real

I've had this post sitting in my drafts folder for a few weeks now. I've tried writing it about half a dozen times, but just haven't been sure what to say or where to start. I've been inspired by a few bloggers lately to "get real." It's so easy to see snippets of a person's life on the internet and think that it's perfect. At least in my case, it's not. I have struggles, insecurities, and just plain old bad days. While it's more fun to write about good times I think there can be benefits to writing about the not so good times too.

So in leu of writing about something "good" today I'm write about something real to me:
Anxiety

I've struggled with anxiety pretty much all my life. Growing up it was centered around school and swimming. I was the weird kid behind the blocks 5 events {45 minutes} before my race with butterflies in my stomach every meet every race.

My anxiety followed me to college and through grad school. I worried about everything; tests, papers, and deadlines. If I'm being honest here my anxiety probably helped me to get a lot of stuff done.

Part of me hoped that once I graduated my anxiety would just go away. Unfortunately, it hasn't. Now my anxiety doesn't discriminate or stay centered around one area. Now it can be about anything and everything. I worry about social situations {I'm very thankful for my outgoing extroverted husband}, I worry something bad will happen to someone I love, I worry I'm not trusting God and His plan, I worry that I'm not a good enough ________ {wife, daughter, sister....}, and I worry about how much I worry!

I should go ahead and mention that my anxiety comes and goes. Some days are better than others and some days are bad. 

I've got to give major props to the husband here. He was born with, what I've loving termed, the "fix it gene." If something is wrong he's wired to want to fix it and make it better. Problem with my anxiety is can't always be"fixed." Sometimes it just is what it is. While I imagine this is a major frustration for him, he doesn't let it show. He continues to tell me everything will be okay and he's there. Ya know what? Even if I don't feel like everything will be okay it helps just knowing he's always on my side.

So, what have I done about my anxiety? In the past I've taken medication. While I'm not opposed to that option in the least, I don't think it's best for me right now. As corny as it sounds breathing helps a lot, but the thing that has been most helpful for me is reminding myself to give it up to God. God knows me and my worries and often times just praying for the ability to trust Him helps the most. I've also read "Calm My Anxious Heart" and felt convicted in the best way possible. I have every intention of reading that book again... like yesterday!

I say all of this to say I think it's okay to admit I struggle sometimes and life isn't always butterflies and rainbows. Sometimes it feels good to get real and open up a bit. 

Thanks for letting me share a bit about me.

*And because every good blog post needs a picture. How can you not feel calm while looking at this?*