Tuesday, November 12, 2013

Let's Get Real

I've had this post sitting in my drafts folder for a few weeks now. I've tried writing it about half a dozen times, but just haven't been sure what to say or where to start. I've been inspired by a few bloggers lately to "get real." It's so easy to see snippets of a person's life on the internet and think that it's perfect. At least in my case, it's not. I have struggles, insecurities, and just plain old bad days. While it's more fun to write about good times I think there can be benefits to writing about the not so good times too.

So in leu of writing about something "good" today I'm write about something real to me:

I've struggled with anxiety pretty much all my life. Growing up it was centered around school and swimming. I was the weird kid behind the blocks 5 events {45 minutes} before my race with butterflies in my stomach every meet every race.
My anxiety followed me to college and through grad school. I worried about everything; tests, papers, and deadlines. If I'm being honest here my anxiety probably helped me to get a lot of stuff done.

Part of me hoped that once I graduated my anxiety would just go away. Unfortunately, it hasn't. Now my anxiety doesn't discriminate or stay centered around one area. Now it can be about anything and everything. I worry about social situations {I'm very thankful for my outgoing extroverted husband}, I worry something bad will happen to someone I love, I worry I'm not trusting God and His plan, I worry that I'm not a good enough ________ {wife, daughter, sister....}, and I worry about how much I worry!
I should go ahead and mention that my anxiety comes and goes. Some days are better than others and some days are bad. 

I've got to give major props to the husband here. He was born with, what I've loving termed, the "fix it gene." If something is wrong he's wired to want to fix it and make it better. Problem with my anxiety is can't always be"fixed." Sometimes it just is what it is. While I imagine this is a major frustration for him, he doesn't let it show. He continues to tell me everything will be okay and he's there. Ya know what? Even if I don't feel like everything will be okay it helps just knowing he's always on my side.

So, what have I done about my anxiety? In the past I've taken medication. While I'm not opposed to that option in the least, I don't think it's best for me right now. As corny as it sounds breathing helps a lot, but the thing that has been most helpful for me is reminding myself to give it up to God. God knows me and my worries and often times just praying for the ability to trust Him helps the most. I've also read "Calm My Anxious Heart" and felt convicted in the best way possible. I have every intention of reading that book again... like yesterday!

I say all of this to say I think it's okay to admit I struggle sometimes and life isn't always butterflies and rainbows. Sometimes it feels good to get real and open up a bit. 
Thanks for letting me share a bit about me.

*And because every good blog post needs a picture. How can you not feel calm while looking at this?*
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  1. Love this post because I love how honest and transparent you are willing to be with your readers. Giving it up to God is a great tactic. "God, I have this stressful meeting coming up at work. I'm giving that over to you. I know on I can on you to relieve the stress, worry and even the execution of this meeting." And it warms my heart that you have a great spouse in this. Sometimes even just committing to do so out loud would help. And I looooove this line, "If I'm being honest here my anxiety probably helped me to get a lot of stuff done." :)

    1. Thank you so much for the sweet comment and encouragement! God can handle it all even and especially when we cannot!

  2. Bless your heart! It's nice to know I'm not alone in this area!

  3. Thank you for writing this post. I suffer from anxiety too and it's so frustrating. I worry about everything and anything. I'm going to check out the book you recommended :) xo

  4. Oh my goodness this post speaks to my heart! I was a swimmer right there with ya! Behind the blocks wayyy before my event and my knee caps would even shake on the blocks, so much stress and mental games in that sport... It is a hard task to not worry about days to come but living in fear is not what He wants for our lives! Praying for you sweet friend

    1. My parents still laugh at me about how bad I use to shake behind the blocks! Thank you for your sweet words and encouragement!

  5. I too have struggled with anxiety for a lot of my life. It got so bad the last two years that I had to start taking medication to take the edge off. Some days are good, some are bad. My husband is extremely supportive, thank God for them right. I think you are brave for sharing, and encourage you to share more. We are all here to support each other :-)


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